A Vocabulary of Emotions

By: Dr. Tekalign Nega Angore (PhD)

My partner, Honey, and I have many good things we intentionally strive for in our lives. One of these is being able to express our feelings to each other. One evening, after our daily routine ended and our children were asleep, I suggested we simply list the emotions we felt today without any explanation. She agreed without hesitation.. For a few minutes, we reviewed our day in our minds and began listing the emotions we experienced. When we finished, she said with surprise, ‘I realize I can’t really list my emotions well.’

My love isn’t the only one who struggles to express her feelings; it’s a common problem. Most of us aren’t rich in the vocabulary that allows us to describe our emotions; in fact, we’re practically poor.

What about you? Do you consider yourself to be emotionally articulate? To test yourself, try describing how you feel right now. Did the words flow easily, or did you struggle to find the right ones?

When people are asked to list the emotions they’ve experienced, the resulting vocabulary is often limited to a few basic terms like “happy,” “sad,” and “angry.” Studies have shown that there are as many as 87 words that can be used to describe different emotions, although this number may vary across cultures._[2] Imagine if you only knew three words from a language with a vocabulary of 87 words. Would you consider yourself a fluent speaker of that language? Probably not! Limiting ourselves to just three words to describe our emotions is a sign that we are emotionally impoverished.

The Problem

Not being able to name our feelings is not good. Because we cannot control our emotions that we have clearly identified and direct them towards our desired goals. One of the main reasons we are not rich in emotional expression is that we think it is wrong to deal with emotions, especially negative ones. From childhood, we have been conditioned to view all negative emotions as sins and signs of immaturity. If our upbringing devalues emotions and sensitivity, we are likely to dismiss our feelings rather than trying to understand and accept them.

What did our childhood and environment teach us? Did we not overlook the positive role that our emotions play when we interpret events? Weren’t we told to ‘be quiet’ and ‘just shut up’ when we expressed our feelings? Haven’t we been punished for simply expressing our emotions? When our upbringing has taught us to disregard our emotions, it’s unrealistic to expect us to take time to understand our feelings or to find words for them. This has made us hesitant to name the emotions we feel.

Why do we view emotions negatively? Let’s consider two reasons. First, emotions are fleeting and changeable. We humans, on the other hand, are drawn to things that are stable and unchanging rather than things that change rapidly. Second, we view emotions as a sign of an unrefined personality or backwardness. We associate emotions with impulsiveness, crisis, and turmoil, which makes us view emotions as inappropriate for modern people.

Why Do We Fear Our Emotions?

There are two primary reasons why we often view emotions negatively. First, emotions are fleeting and changeable. As humans, we tend to gravitate towards stability and permanence rather than things that are constantly fluctuating. Second, we often associate emotions with immaturity or a lack of sophistication. We view emotional expression as a sign of weakness, fragility, or even chaos, which is seen as incompatible with the modern ideal of a composed and rational individual.

In reality, the inability to express our emotions is a sign of immaturity. When we can effectively express our feelings, they no longer become sources of discomfort. We won’t feel the need to hide them. As we mature, we learn to view negative emotions, as psychologists suggest, like the warning lights on a car dashboard._[3] When a dashboard light comes on, we investigate the issue rather than ignoring it.

What happens when we can’t understand and express our emotions? We risk becoming emotionally stunted, both in ourselves and in our relationships with others. If we are uncomfortable with our own emotions, how can we effectively support someone who is struggling emotionally? And how can others truly understand us if we suppress our feelings? To foster healthier relationships with ourselves and others, we must develop a richer vocabulary for expressing our emotions.

Sometimes, we avoid our emotions because they can be painful. Focusing on our feelings and spending time with them can feel overwhelming, so we tend to avoid them. While it’s important to understand our emotions, it’s also important to recognize that developing emotional intelligence requires strength and resilience. It’s not something that can be achieved overnight. The first step is to overcome the fear of expressing our emotions.

Expanding our emotional vocabulary

If expanding our emotional vocabulary is beneficial, what can we do? Let’s deliberately collect words that allow us to express our feelings. We can start by using the 13 categories created by Professor Byrne Brown, which include 83 emotion words. Each category has an average of 7 detailed terms.₄ Using these categories, let’s assess how effectively we can express our emotions.

Sometimes, we feel uncertain or out of control. Can we describe these feelings with specific words? Other times, we find ourselves comparing ourselves to others, feeling superior or inferior. Do we have the vocabulary to articulate these nuanced feelings?

As humans, things don’t always go as planned. Do we have words to describe the emotions we experience when things don’t work out the way we hoped? What about when things turn out differently than expected, both positively and negatively?

Sometimes, we feel hurt or wounded. Do we have words to express our pain, or does it remain a silent, internal suffering? In our various relationships, we experience a wide range of emotions. What words do we use to describe these feelings? We all have goals and aspirations. When we fail to achieve these, we often feel a sense of inadequacy. Do we have words to describe this feeling? When we think about forming connections with others, we experience both positive feelings and fears. Do we have a rich enough vocabulary to express these emotions?

Sometimes, our hearts feel open and vulnerable. Do we have the words to share this feeling with others? Other times, life is full of joy, and our hearts soar. Do we have the words to express this happiness? When others have wronged us, do we have the words to describe our hurt and anger? As humans, we also engage in self-reflection. Do we have the words to describe the complex emotions that arise from this process?

Suggestions

Unfortunately, some of us may not even realize that we experience the emotions I’ve described above. If you can easily name a variety of feelings within each category, consider yourself fortunate. You’ll have a better understanding of yourself and others, and you’ll be able to provide yourself and others with the necessary care. But if you struggle to find the words to express these emotions, it means there’s still work to be done; it’s like being disconnected from your own feelings. And being disconnected from our emotions is not healthy.

I have two suggestions for you. First, make a conscious effort to collect words that can help you express your feelings. Second, take a few minutes each day to practice expressing your emotions using these words. By doing this, you’ll improve your mental health and overall well-being.

[1]  Given that the article was originally written in Amharic and then translated into English using AI, it’s important to be mindful of potential nuances that might have been lost in translation. 

[2] Brené Brown, Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience (Random House, 2021).

[3] Lannin, Daniel G., and Yi Du. The Art and Science of Helping: Developing Fundamental Skills in a Multicultural Age (New York: Taylor & Francis, 2025), 88

[4]  Brené Brown, Atlas of the heart, 39-389.